looking backwards and forward

today, nothing unusual or special happened... just like my day yesterday and what will be tomorrow. as long as i am here in this job, nothing special would appear from nowhere. only miracles can change things, i guess.

i can't help but take the ride again... it's weird. yes, it is! for there's not so much to look back for. maybe i refuse to look back... hmmm... i'm beginning to sound like i hated my past soo much. please don't get me wrong. i am okay. life is okay. perhaps, it's the weather that's bringing the mood. aaaw! and our upcoming wedding anniversary. no matter how lightly i take it, i feel swirling and twisting in my stomach. pain reminds me that i should come up with a plan or at least, list down the things that i should do on the "A" day. aaahck! how do i plan? how can i plan? i'm freakin' broke! haha! wish me luck!

i see hubby... his face is always shining. it's sweet... it keeps me going. everyday...

moments

me and my ADJ2...

i so love this pic.

nothing

i haven't been able to post anything lately... i have been very busy with my new job. yes. i got a new job. ^_^ it's kinda funny because the job requires a LOT of patience. i teach computer subject to 2nd, 3rd, 4th graders. OMG?! yes! OMG!!! i have kids of my own and all of them are very independent. we don't usually sit together to work on their assignments or home works. i do help them a little on their school projects but not on a regular basis. and because of this new job, i am now suffering from guilt.

i feel bad as if i am torn into pieces because when you try to look at it, i am teaching other kids... not my own children. was it because i am getting paid? was it because i am a bad mother? was it because i am lazy? i don't know. as of the moment, i am not really sure of the answers.

right now i feel like i just need to go with the flow and find the answers later...

maybe i am not a typical mom. my ways are different. one thing is certain... i love my children and that i am trying to be a good mother to them.