leaving?

it's been a long time since i last blogged here... oh please! don't think that i have left my blogger acct.. yes, i'm in tumblr lately, enjoying the fun of micro-blogging.. but that doesn't mean that i'm leaving you, guys. especially you, Mr. G.A.G.! lol! :)

i admit that i've gotten a bit lazy and most of the time, i'm out with the boys, looking for sponsors for the July trip... what else? uhm, we are preparing for their fund raising concert this coming Saturday. not really a big one but we're expecting it to be. :) of course, we have to take care of ticket selling, preparation of the venue, guest list, costumes, that "F" visa application, training, and my shop. ugh!

i am really having a hard time choosing what i should do first and what i can leave for now then come back for it later... the shop badly needs my attention, but what can i do? my cam's battery died a long time ago! its replacement hasn't arrived yet... :(

April 24th, hubby and i celebrated our birthday (yes, we do have the same birth date!). few guests have arrived and most stayed up until 5 in the morning. all drunk and happy! :) while i... i got tons of dishes to wash after the party! huhuhu :(

i do hope you can bare with me... perhaps i'd be able to go back to my old self after all these activities. i have so much to share but i couldn't find the time and the urge to write them all down here... maybe that "F" niche thing made me feel lazy about this whole blogging thing! it is really sickening... why can't i just have a blog where i can put down everything? happy, sad, angry, mad, rants, reviews... whatever! i don't intend to make money out of this, anyway. i tried, but it's very complicated and i don't like it! those badges on the right will prove it, but i was never active in any of those things! one day, i will clean up all these and make this space so personal and filled only with the things i love. just wait and see!

btw, i would like to congratulate my sister, C! she was able get her own domain! yay! please visit her site! xD and to you, my very dear Wilmy... i missed you soo much! you have no idea! :)

~HUGZ x Zillion!~

medals

i'm okay and i'm not feeling bad anymore... thanks to some good friends of mine for comforting me. :) and thanks to my son who have just received 6 awards last Thursday! ^_^ i don't have much photos to share because i wasn't able to bring my cam with me and besides, the school officials won't allow it. they have their own official photographers and that'll make my cam useless and my purse heavy, which i hate if it'll happen... it was a very looong event and while i was there, i grumbled quietly about my aching feet. and that night, i wasn't able to sleep well due to pain. that's ouch multiplied by 10!!!

~cell phone shot~

2 bronze, 3 silver and one gold. after a whole school year of hard work, those medals were his reward. (those aren't academic awards, btw) he earned them either from sports competition or from speech chorale or dance competition. how ironic! he is a cultural scholar in their school because of his participation in their singing group. but this year, he refused to join any competition related to singing except for that WCOPA one. he said he can't sing like he used to, he can't hit the notes like he used to and he's not as confident like he used to. hmmm... that's him. 0_0 i don't know anymore what kind of motivation he needs but i'm hoping that my encouragements are well enough to keep him going. BUT it isn't bad, after all. 6 medals from different fields. 6 hard earned medals. they made him want to work harder next year to get some more!

~the culprit~

i was so proud of his achievements. i was thrilled that i had to go up the stage with him despite the aching feet and a bad pair of shoes. i'm proud that i am his mother. someday, he will remember (and most probably laugh) how i struggled to find something decent to wear for that night.
he sang too, with the rest of the Quartet, and approached me and handed something. it's a certificate of appreciation for the parents of the awardees present that night. it made my eyes teary but i held them back. i can't cry. na-ah! it'll ruin my makeup! lol!

"in everything, always give thanks."

and i do... :) ~HUGZ!~

but wait! there's more!

you might want to read this post. it is clear that i've been battling with the "niche" thing since i've started getting followers and traffic.

but i thought... why should i bother? they followed me without asking me that big Q. and the list is still growing! OMG! 0_0

once again,

specially to the people who have become my friend in this very tiny space.

~HUGZ!~

niche?

after a hundred post, i am still being asked the same old question that many bloggers have failed to answer...

what is your niche in blogging?

honestly, I STILL DON'T KNOW!

i'd like to say that my blog tackles motherhood or my artistic/crafty side or, or my life as a stay at home wife... gaaah! everything that i am is in this blog! no, wait! ALMOST! (my closest blogging friends know that!) isn't it obvious that my blog is all about my randomness?

yes, i am a mother. but should i just stop there?
yes, i love crafts. but should i just stop there?
yes, i love fashion. but should i just stop there?

i am many things, my dear friends! how about you? isn't it boring if you'll just post about the latest trend or your self worshiping or technical stuff? wouldn't it be much nicer to write about the things you love and the awesome things you see everyday even if it's just about a goat giving birth and how his kid looks like? see? i'm so full of randomness. so what?!

just like parenting. we want perfection, right? BUT there's really no such thing as perfect parenting. whatever you do, no matter how hard you work, there'll come a time that they won't listen to you.

life isn't perfect. and so is blogging!

i own this blog. i will write about the things i want to write. if you don't like me -- fine! go away! if you do, you can stay. just don't touch things, ok? you might break them. it's my life that you're reading. so if you find it not interesting, just click that "x" button.

just please spare me from your ill judgment... you are not perfect either!

***this is just my opinion. if in case you feel bad about this post, i'm sorry. i'm just having a bad day like most normal people do.***

inspiration

i'm trying...

i'm concentrating...

aaaaargh! 0_0

pardon me, my friends... i'm just trying to squeeze out some new ideas for new designs of our next batch of accessories. ugh! it hurts my brain big time!

a little pressured for the upcoming event (that'll be on April) and the FQ's activity plus the papers and all... you see? i'm blogging it! so it means that i'm strained, to the bones! :D

i need a new inspiration for the next wave of our products. i'm a little interested in steampunk but i think it requires soo much metal and is splendorous, if i may say so... but it won't hurt to experiment, right? maybe i'll make a combination of Steampunk, Renaissance, Gothic, Boudoir, etc... gaaah! that means i'll be needing new stuffs and materials and mooh-lah-la!

i'm hurting my brain too much... :( better get some rest. maybe, it'll get me back to my senses. i'll see you around!
===================
btw, the giveaway is still on. don't forget to join! :)

too many things...

since the last post that i wrote, i wasn't able to function so well with anything. a lot of distractions and thinking... haha! two opposing things, i guess... they're bothering me. and it is working! for a few days now, i can't believe that i'm dysfunctional like our toilet flush. can you believe that?! ugh!

blame it on Edward Cullen! he's calling me and ordering me to finish the story! i just couldn't resist that book. i almost want to blame mom why she had given me hardbound copies of the famous saga! and yes! there's my mom... she arrived before the year ended. said she's really missing the gremlins here... hmmm.. mom is so sweet!

and one of the distraction (and demands a lot of thinking) is the online shop plan. i and my friend have to leave tomorrow to get the materials we need. so we could start right away. aaaahck! i'm feeling dizzy! too many things to do!

aaah! i'm sorry... so lame of me to say these things to all of you... pardon me. i just want to breathe... thank you for your time. ~wink! wink!~

i'll see you later... muah!

Coin Operated Woman

i am a coin operated woman.
i am money motivated.
but what is wrong with that?
moolah is always needed to get the things that
i want,
i lust,
i covet.

i am a coin operated woman.
even my hubby knows that.
he knows that i can't give with nothing in return.
he knows that whenever he'd ask for something,
there's a price he has to pay.

i am a coin operated woman.
why should i feel bad?
i work hard everyday
i pay my dues
i save for the next storm
and i save some for my own storm...
coin operated...
sounds funny and even disgusting
but what is to worry?
when every woman i know are coin operated too...

i deserve pretty things
call them rewards
or whims..

but i deserve what i deserve
and i gotta have what i need to have
because i work hard
and i am a coin operated woman....

_________
a poem intended for myself and all the women i know. cheers!

moments

me and my ADJ2...

i so love this pic.

going back...

"It's time I got back, it's time I got back
'n I don't even know how I got off the track
I wanna go back, yeah!"

these words from the song "the good life by the weezer". it popped in to my mind while i was hand washing some undies and socks earlier this eve... DANG!!! and i felt how much i'm missing my old life, my old self... most of us yearn for a change. that is certain! and i have always wanted at least a little part of my life to change. and i mean BETTER change... since i took this teaching job, i never felt comfortable and i believe that it's supposed to be fun. i should be having fun. but what is wrong?

i am beginning to forget the meaning of the word. it's because i really don't like it. (i just have to be honest.. pardon me) the kids in my class are all fine. though some of them are really hard to handle... and again, i beg for your understanding but i believe that i am not the right one for the job. this job pays less than one human being could ever imagine and requires tons of patience. from the start, i have always been nice and sometimes grouchy. but i never tried a stick or at least show them that i don't like them. i always made sure that i am equip with the right lesson plan and materials. and not only that... i gave them the best attention that i can offer (not even my own kids are so privileged to get that attention) you see, i tried and tried and until now i keep trying to give them all i could even if i get so little and even if their unmindful, paranoid and nagging moms does not appreciate it!!! (pant! pant!) BUT there is always an end for everything especially if it is becoming your worst nightmare! just last saturday i was accused by one of the moms of being un-teacher like and harassed me through a phone call. it almost slipped from my tongue that i am not what she think i am and that she doesn't know me well and that she has no right to tell me those barbaric words that she kept saying to me! and of course, as always, i still approached her with all humility and didn't try to answer back. but only God knows how much i wanted to fly to their house at that very moment and push her cell phone down to her throat!!! (pant again!) and until now i am terrified by that phone call... one thing more... my sore throat worsen... it's been on and off for like a month now and i haven't been checked by a doctor. no time for that... my voice is still hoarse and it aches badly. i'll try to see a doctor this weekend and ask for a medical certificate and YES! i will file a resignation to the office next week.

you might say that i am the worst person ever that you've met. i don't give a damn. my kids will suffer if i'll go on like this. they have been deprived of my precious time for quite so long now. my poor youngest daughter can't keep up with her lessons in school. that's because i don't have time to sit and teach her anymore. it's funny... damn funny! i teach these kids and yet i can't do the same thing with mine... she's in pre-school and she really needs attention. my attention! i don't want to see her growing up and blaming me for all the poor grades that she'll get in the future. i guess, it's time that i should get back to my good old life.

i mean better old life...

soo late...

(Victorian inspired head band)




(Gothic inspired fascinator)

i made these accessories months ago but never been able to post it here. i wanted so much to wear them but i am reluctant... i can't pull it off, i guess. *sigh!*

these are gothic inspired fascinator and head band. uhm... at that time i wanted to have something Lolita inspired but when i finished the whole thing, it turned out to be gothic. ugh! but most of my friends said it's nice... one of them is really willing to pay for it. aaaw.. but i said not this one. part of it was glued and some parts are hand sewn. i don't think it will last long. (at least i'm honest... *wink!*)


i will post photos of these while it is worn but not today... i am so tired from work and i wanted to dive in to my bed and doze... freakin' day for me... i hope tomorrow's gonna be different. i'll catch up with you later... *wink!*

what now?

i promise that i will be posting this weekend. oh my! i feel so bad! i have a new follower and yet i don't have new posts?! aaaaw... anyway, thanks soo much to them. they really keep me going. ^_^ you make my day!

missing my blog..

if only i have a laptop and an internet connection that i can carry like the ones they advertise on tv, i would be blogging from work. !!! i missed everything like i feel when i'm not with D and the kids. two days at work and yet it felt like i'm gone for ages. AAAAAARGH!!!!!



sometimes life sucks.

(original photo)

nothing

i haven't been able to post anything lately... i have been very busy with my new job. yes. i got a new job. ^_^ it's kinda funny because the job requires a LOT of patience. i teach computer subject to 2nd, 3rd, 4th graders. OMG?! yes! OMG!!! i have kids of my own and all of them are very independent. we don't usually sit together to work on their assignments or home works. i do help them a little on their school projects but not on a regular basis. and because of this new job, i am now suffering from guilt.

i feel bad as if i am torn into pieces because when you try to look at it, i am teaching other kids... not my own children. was it because i am getting paid? was it because i am a bad mother? was it because i am lazy? i don't know. as of the moment, i am not really sure of the answers.

right now i feel like i just need to go with the flow and find the answers later...

maybe i am not a typical mom. my ways are different. one thing is certain... i love my children and that i am trying to be a good mother to them.

a quick post before i go to bed

i am ready for bed... i was here earlier, thinking what to write about but then, it seems that i ran out of things to say. i'm a little unfocused today... i don't know. maybe i'm thinking too much about the fees D and i have to pay for the kids' schooling. pshhhhh! then, yeah, i went back in here to whine. again.

ugh! nonsense! i'll just go back to bed... tomorrow i will get myself a cup of brewed coffee and bagels with cream cheese... yum!